My Recent Debacle

*As most of the American population knows by now the Republican party is trying to defund Planned Parenthood by repealing the Affordable Healthcare Act.*

Now on to the personal anecdote…

Back about three weeks ago I went to the pharmacy to pick up my birth control only to find out that I needed an updated prescription.  So I then called my doctor’s office asking them to renew my prescription and they told me that I needed an appointment, but the soonest appointment wasn’t until March! MARCH?! Are you kidding me? Why didn’t they let me know sooner that I needed an appointment?! So I had to resort to Planned Parenthood to get my birth control.  Now, if Planned Parenthood had already been defunded I wouldn’t have even been able to resort to that option and my hormones would have been completely messed up.

Since my appointment at Planned Parenthood I have looked into getting an IUD.  Under the Affordable Healthcare Act birth control has been made free to all women with insurance.  Without the Affordable Healthcare Act my regular birth control could be accessed with insurance for a small copay (no biggie, right?).  However, if the Affordable Healthcare Act is dismantled, young adults under the age of 26 are at risk for losing coverage under their parents’ health insurance.  If that it the case I will have to pay for my birth control out of pocket.  For that reason, along with the many benefits of having an IUD, I have decided that that is the path I would like to follow.  But my next problem is that an IUD can cost upwards of $1k, a price I am not willing to pay.  While getting an IUD is not exactly necessary for me, it would be a stress reliever.  However, if such a device, that I would classify as preventative care, is going to cost that much, I will not be able to afford it.  Unlike some women I will still be able to afford my normal birth control.  If the Affordable Healthcare Act is defunded many women across America will not be able to access or afford birth control.

Everyone Changes & That is Okay

I am not the person I was this day last year.  That person was much more insecure, although she was surrounded by friends and had no great instability in her life. This time last year I was constantly worried about the unstable non-relationship I was in.  I over-analyzed every detail of my life.  But here I am today, not worried that what I said was wrong or offensive.  I am not worried about hurting someones feelings.  I used to let people walk all over me which caused things to never go my way and left me feeling weak and unstable.  I’ve always told myself that that is my weakest trait.

People say “you’ve changed” like it’s a bad thing.  The truth is that everyone changes.  You look at me with a disappointed look in your eyes like you can’t believe I’ve turned into this horrible person that you no longer recognize.  I haven’t turned into a horrible person though.  I simply grew up and realized I needed to stop letting everyone walk all over me.  If that makes me seem like a bad or mean person, so be it.  In the end you’re the only one there for yourself.  I’ve realized that most of the people in my life are selfish, as are most people in the world.  I have always considered myself to be quite the opposite.  I have always put others before me and been willing to drop everything to help someone else.  Along the way I learned not to expect this in return from others because I will only be left disappointed.

So I’m sorry I disappointed you for once.  I’m sorry you expected too much from the person who always gave more than she received.  But I’m not sorry for who I’ve become.  In the past year I’ve grown so much and finally learned how important it is to love myself and put myself first.  Once you stop accepting bullshit from people your life will get a whole lot better.

Roller Coaster

When something bad happens people look at you and say “well that’s life,” as if life is full of terrible events.  Life is full of uncertainty.  You may have plans to catch a train and get to work on time, but suddenly the train is behind schedule and you’re late for work.  Life happens and according to some you should always be prepared for the worse. You can’t just coast through your life living in this fantasy where only good happens to you, because even the most coddled people, even the most driven people have life happen to them.

My life has always been a roller coaster.  One minute I’m here and the next I’m in some unknown territory completely freaked out!  I’ve always been a planner, but with the amount of unexpected events that have sprung up in my life, I suppose I’m a mediocre planner at best.  At five-years-old I planned on being an orthodontist and living in Hawaii.  Of course, that was not my true aspiration in life (I mean, did I really wanna have my hands in strangers mouths all day?!).  At sixteen I knew I was meant to help others (as I have always been a kind-hearten and caring individual).  After two years volunteering in a hospital and one AP Biology class, I gave up.  Nursing was not my calling.

People are expected to make these big life decisions at such a young age.  At eighteen I decided on a career path and where I would spend the next four years for college (or so I planned).  But of course, life doesn’t go according to plan and here I am in the process of transferring schools halfway through junior year.  There are 10,000 thoughts spinning through my anxious mind.  Although I’ve never handled curve balls very well, the game must go on.

We’ll see what the next bump in the road is, but for now I will try to  do the best that I can, somehow without losing it.

 

Love Notes

Since I’ve been up in Burlington this summer some beautiful things have happened.  For starters, I have finally found my independence, paying for my own expenses and living at a schedule that fits my personal needs.  I started attending classes almost every day at a local yoga studio called Sangha.  It feels like every time I go I see someone I know and the other faces I see there are slowly becoming familiar.  I am finally starting to feel part of a community.

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The other night at yoga I received this love note after class. “Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” That really stuck with me.  Although my low days can be exceedingly low, I have a right to be here.  There is a purpose to my life, as there is a purpose to all of our lives.  Things unfold at a different pace for everyone.  Just trust that things will be auspicious for you.

Although parts of this summer have been bumpy (@ 2nd degree burns on my forearm and eczema all over my eyelids), there are so many things in this beautiful world that I love and am grateful for.  This summer has allowed me to connect with some really amazing people who I didn’t put as a priority before.  I have pushed myself to learn how to play guitar, although it has been a slow process.  I am beginning to find myself in my writing and yoga practice.  I’ve found a hobby in my food Instagram.  I have learned that my body is a temple and that it should be treated with love and care.  I am stuck with this body forever, so I should protect it and nourish it properly.  Although you may not like the wrinkles by your eyes or the love handles on your side, it is what makes you human.  No one is perfect and everyone has their insecurities, but it is important to not let those insecurities take control of your life.  Accept them for what they are and move forward.  There are more important things in your life to focus on.

I hope you find the strength in you to accept yourself for who you are.  You were created to spread joy to this world.  Go and find what makes you happy and put your all into that.  The rest will just come with ease.

xox

Siobhan

 

 

Adulting

They never tell you how difficult the transition from your teenage years to adulthood will be.  Growing up I was so lucky to not have to worry about money.  My parents gave me more than I could ever ask for.  But now I’m nearing 20 and trying to become independent.  I’ve always classified myself as a pretty independent person.  I’ve had a job since I was legally able to and I’ve paid for a lot of things I own.  But I never knew it would be to actually become independent.

This summer I moved out of my parent’s house and into my own apartment.  I decided to be a big girl and pay my own rent, utilities, gas, food, and miscellaneous expenses.  I underestimated how little money I would have for my entertainment.  I learned that working a part-time job just above minimum wage is not enough.  So here I am looking for another job (preferably a serving job) in order to maintain my lifestyle.

It’s only been a couple weeks but so far I’ve learned that groceries are expensive and racking up the sales can really save you a lot. I’ve learned that college prepares you for your job, but most of the things you will be doing in your job you learn after being hired.  I’ve learned that you may be best friends with someone, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to live well together.  People have different lifestyles.  You may be a cleaning fanatic and your best friend might be a slob.  If you’re already stuck in this situation it’s best to try to avoid conflict by just being honest.  I’ve learned that it’s important to be genuine with people and give off good vibes.  No one wants to be around someone who is grumpy and complains all the time.  Every day you have the choice to better yourself.  Choose that path and let it fill you up!

Something New

Summer is full of hope.  You have much more free time on your hands (usually), which puts you under the assumption that you can accomplish so much more over the summer.  Summer is a magical and wonderful time of year for most of us, but for others not so much.  When summer break first began, a couple weeks back, I created a summer bucket list.  This has basically become a summer ritual that has always gone incomplete.  But this time will be different.  It’s the start of the summer and I’ve already managed to check a few tough things off my list.  I’m trying something new this summer.

Tuesday I landed a great (paid) internship up in Burlington, woohoo! It’s actually really funny how I managed to get a internship when I gave up all hope of getting an one for this summer.  I busted my butt, and was left disappointed more than once, but things worked out in my favor in the end.

I also decided to learn guitar this summer.  After listening to the guy I’m seeing play guitar every night on the phone to me I decided I needed to get involved.  Hey, it’s something fun we can bond over this summer and something I’ve always wanted to be good at.  It’s only been a week, but I definitely can see myself improving.  I’m in the process of nailing down Big Jet Plane, so wish me luck.

I’m headed back up to Burlington on Tuesday because my lease starts Wednesday!  I know I’m still young, but this feels like one big step toward adulting.  This is my place, not my parents, not my dorm.  I’m finally growing up.  While up in Burlington this summer I’m planning on making more friends.  I have a lot of “friends” who I never make time for, but with my best friends gone for the summer (for the most part), I’ve decided to really get close with these people.

New beginnings are scary.  They are filled with worry and doubt.  But that shouldn’t make them any less exciting.  So many wonderful things have the potential to happen this summer.  The catch? I have to make them happen.

So let’s go and make them happen.

 

The Waiting Game

It’s finally Friday and this week has gone from disappointing to great! On Tuesday night I heard back from a nannying job that decided they no longer needed a nanny for the summer.  Bummer because I was really banking on that as a source of income for the summer.  But you know how they say that when something bad happens chances are something really great is around the corner?  Well that’s exactly what happened to me.  I woke up Wednesday morning to a text from the mom asking if I am interested in a PAID marketing internship at her work!  Side note: the mom works for a big insurance company up in Burlington, so this opportunity would be awesome.  As expected, I said yes!  I sent my resume to her and was immediately set up with an interview.

Just when everything seemed to be going downhill things were turning around.  I interviewed with the HR Generalist the next morning and immediately knew I nailed it.  I was immediately set up for an interview with the Marketing Manager for today.  It’s 4:23 and I just finished my Skype interview.  The interview couldn’t have gone better, besides maybe the lighting in the room, but oh well.  I’ve learned it’s best if I don’t practice for interviews.  I prepare by taking both mental and physical notes on the company as well as my own resume.  I think it’s important to remember which strengths to emphasize during an interview.

So I’m waiting to hear back next week about the internship, but the waiting game is hard.  Of course I understand why I wasn’t just handed the job right there, but in the meantime I’m here waiting restlessly.  I’ll update you on the outcome, but let’s cross our fingers that everything works out in my favor this time!